Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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