I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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