i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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