No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
