Porn is love you can see.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
