my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
