The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
