I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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