fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
