this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize
