He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
