I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
