I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
