hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
