Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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