I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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