I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
