i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
