you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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