it was like his penis was on wheels.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
