I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
