Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
