im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
