Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
