Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Rumble strips road head = magical
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
