the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
