Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
