I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
