So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
