Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
