woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
