also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
