Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wear drunk well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
