May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
