To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
