where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
