Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize