I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
