i'm signing you up for texting rehab
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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