in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
