Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
only you would photoshop your dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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