some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
