how can u be prego again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
