The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
