Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
