Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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