4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
