I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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