I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
