I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
