i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
NoShamevember. You game?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
