Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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