I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
