im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize