I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
