I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
