My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
