I'm really into asian looking animals
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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