she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
