Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
