You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
