so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
