I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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