I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
