the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
