there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize