"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
