I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
