She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
