I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
