Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need moral support for this bender
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
