I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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