he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize