so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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