He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
