All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
