Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
