we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was CRYING into my vagina
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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