I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
