I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ttyl tear gas
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
