if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
