wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
